Awh I like it!

Especially the repetition of 'summer is...'

and the way you structure sentences.

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Be An Impact.

I like the images in isolation, but I'm not sure they quite jel into one piece like this- I may have tended to presesnt them in one body but as a sequence rather than a fully fleshed piece (I. II. III. etc). Which may allow little more stylistic freedom; there is a vague sense of continuinity and shifting ages, but it doesn't come through with enough immediacy to really string the piece together.

Also, I don't like the punctaution and line breaks in the first stanza- they're very much at odds with the other 2, and make it difficult to find a rhythm.

The subject is feminine in stanza's 1 and 2; perhaps a continuation of this in S3 would help?

I do very much like the imagery though, it's well presented and conjures a strong feeling, particularly in the S3 where trading marbles/waving goodbye contrasts innocence and experience quite touchingly. S2 is perhaps the weakest imagery wise, though it does work well transitionally in terms of the 'time' theme.

I think this has the makings of a robust piece, and hope that you take my crit in good faith!

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[exeunt]

forgive the typos- I typed hastily on my lunch break

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[exeunt]

I quite like the first two, but the last sorta just... drops off dead, if you'll forgive the pun. But I like it, it feels like you've been experimenting since I've seen your work last!

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"When Marrakesh is overrun by mutant lizard people, don't come crying to me." - Venture Bros

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